Positive, effective communication is the key to success in every part of your life. That includes at work, at play, and at home. Here's how to do it. Use these six strategies to communicate effectively.

•  You can accept anything without agreeing with it. Acknowledge amazing requests and outrageous statements with responses such as:

"That's an interesting idea."

"That's a novel request."

"What an intriguing question."

Use this as an opportunity to understand what the other person is saying. And then move on to other topics without attempting to argue.

• People judge others by their actions. This means you are being judged by the perceptions you create with your words and actions. For example, if you act angry, even though you feel otherwise, you will be judged as being hostile. If you sound helpless, even though you feel otherwise, you will be judged as being ineffective. Thus, choose actions and words that convey the impression you want to make.
• People judge themselves by their intentions. Thus, acknowledge that the other person's actions or words are correct and proper (as seen by that other person). Even when someone's behavior appears completely absurd, that person most likely believes it is justified.
• Everyone deserves courtesy and respect. Diplomacy gains more than hostility. It is always the best way to begin a dialogue. After all, no one has ever had to apologize for being courteous. When you treat others with respect, you set the standard for how you want to be treated.
• Everyone has valuable ideas. Everyone is an expert in some area. Everyone has unique talents. Effective leaders help other people excel at expressing their ideas. They ask questions. They show interest. They make the other person a star in their conversation.
• Realize that you can always learn more about the other person's needs, priorities, and situation. Ask questions. Seek solutions. Think positive. Quick reactions often lead to apologies. Start by being thoughtful and seeking to understand fully.

So, the next time you're communicating, implement these six strategies and you'll see the power of effective communication.

In a recent article by Robert MacPhee, he talked about comfort zones and how they relate to networking.   A comfort zone occurs when our “I am” beliefs match the results we are currently getting.  The premise is if a person sees himself as a good networker, if he is comfortable at networking, he is much more likely to get out and attend events, fully participate, and get the maximum benefit from the experience.

So, changing your thinking sounds easy enough, but exactly how do you do it?  How do you make a change that lasts?

This is where many people get stuck – the point where we declare we are a great networker but are shamed by the voice inside that says, “No, you’re not!”

However, to become a master at something which you currently do not consider yourself particularly good at, there are four things you must be willing to do:

1. Try something new.  In order to get to mastery, we must be willing to take the first step.  We must be willing to try something new and different.  Do you remember your first networking meeting?  Have you watched a child learn to walk?  Do you remember what it was like to learn to drive a car?  The first step is often awkward but a necessary part of the process.

1. Ask for help.  It is sometimes possible to get to mastery without help, but it is always faster and easier to get there with the help of others.  BNI is a perfect example of this.  It’s an environment where we can always find someone willing and able to mentor us to the next level.

1. Be uncomfortable.  So many people are unwilling to take the first step or ask for help because it will make them uncomfortable.  When we remember that being uncomfortable is simply part of the process, a necessary stage, we become more willing to get into action.  We get out of our own way.

1. Practice, practice, practice. Finally, the only way to get to true mastery is through repetition.  When we are willing to take action, respond to feedback, and then take more action, we get better at whatever we are doing—eventually reaching a state of mastery.

In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell refers to research that indicates it takes 10,000 hours to become a master in your field.  That is a lot of hours!  But here is the good news: If you are willing to follow the four steps above, the first hours you commit will be a quantum leap to your results.  Most people are not willing to do it.  Most people would rather remain stuck in their comfort zone.  So even if you don’t have an extra 10,000 hours, dedicate whatever time you can and race ahead of the pack.

If you start by declaring a new “I am” belief—“I am an effective networker!”—and if you are willing to take these four steps consistently, you will soon become a master networker.  And you will have created a new comfort zone; your “I am a great networker” belief will now match your new results.  From that moment forward you will always be a great networker.  It will become part of who you are!

How much effect do you believe that fate has on your life?  I believe that we create our own luck in life.  The following four tips will help you create your own luck in sales every day:

1.      Charm ‘em.  Every day you run into people and make an impression on them that leaves a mental picture of who you are in their minds.  Do people see you in a positive light?  What makes them more open to doing business with you?  An enthusiastic and positive attitude is one way to make a difference.  Find something about THEM that’s interesting, and put them in a better mood that they were in when you met them.

2.      Steer clear of unlucky situations. One way to increase your luck is to get rid of prospects who take it away, such as those who: always argue with you on price and don’t see the added you bring to the table, AND you always seem to spend a great deal of time on, but the return on your investment is small compared to other accounts.  It’s not easy walking away from situations we’ve worked hard to create, but sometimes it’s the walking away that creates the luck in new, more qualified accounts.

3.      Visualize success.  Create a clear picture in your mind’s eye of where you want to go and crystallize that vision in your mind.  The mind is where it all begins – and luck seems to have a funny way of catching up with you when you start becoming what you think about all day long.

4.      Be different and daring.  When you step out of your comfort zone, exciting things start to happen.  What 3 things separate you from the competition?  How about going after the top 10 companies you’d like to sell your product or service to and creating unique packages for them?  If your aim is true and your product is strong, luck will come when you dare to be different.

When I work with clients on helping them develop strategies for getting more out of their time, the subject of email usually comes up as being a big distraction.  Many people today seem to be up to their virtual necks in email.  I know I tend to be.  Digging out is not that big of a task, as long as you’re not a procrastinator and you have a healthy willingness to throw things away.  If you find that you’re spending all your time answering e-mails, you might ask yourself : is e-mail something that’s helping you get your work done, or is it getting in the way of it?

Many people make the mistake of using their inbox as a filing system.  These people are basically avoiding decisions.  Try thinking of e-mail as you do the phone.  You don’t leave 400 messages on your voicemail or answering machine, so why would you leave 400 messages in your inbox?

One suggestion is to deal with what you can the first time you see it – if you can deal with it in less than 2 minutes.  The rest of your emails fall into 2 categories:  those that require more than 2 minutes and those that represent something you’re waiting on from others.  You can create 2 separate folders:  Action and Waiting For, and move the messages into them.  Of course, then you have to remember to check those folders.

Process your email at the time of day when your energy is lowest.  If your best thinking is in the morning, that’s not the time to be dealing with email.

When you send an email, give it a precise subject line.  Make sure your message is succinct.  Review and edit your email before you send it – not just for spelling and grammar, but for content.  Make sure you’re saying what you want to say, and in the right tone you want to say it.  Remember that email can be forwarded.  The Internet is not private.  A good rule of thumb is:  If you can picture what you’ve written on the front page of the newspaper, then you can be reasonably sure that it’s okay to send.

Obsessively monitoring your email is another pitfall.  If you feel like you’re checking your messages too often, you probably are.  Schedule some specific times each day to check your inbox – ideally no more than twice a day.

As with any technological convenience, it does have its advantages.  We just need to make sure that we’re controlling it – not the other way around.

How does communication often get so messed up? Here are the top four reasons for breakdowns in communication:
 
1. Poor Listening Skills.  Poor listening skills can result from:
 
* Lack of involvement with the other person or the topic at hand: you just don't care enough to listen.
 
* Distractions in the environment such as excessive noise or activity.
 
* Disagreement with the speaker, resulting in mentally "shutting off" the other person.
 
* Passive listening rather than active involvement with the speaker.
 
2. Assumptions. There are many assumptions we make while communicating with others.  For instance, you might think that you know what the other person is going to say, so you simply "leave" the conversation.
 
3. Body Language. It’s been said that only 7% of our communicating is tied to what we actually say.  A full 55% of communication happens through non-verbal signals, and another 38% is based on tone of voice. So if your non-verbal signals are contradicting what you’re saying, people are going to remember what you didn't say.
 
4. Improper Use of Questions. Many people believe that if they ask a multitude of questions, they are communicating well and connecting with the other person. This may or may not be the case.  We must ask the right questions at the right time to get the information we need to communicate effectively. That means asking open-ended questions - questions that begin with who, what, when, why, where, and how. Open-ended questions help true discussion and understanding to take place.
 

So the next question would be: "What contributes to good morale in the work environment?"

It’s a myth that good employees care only about money. Money is important, but there are many items that contribute to an employee’s morale. Interestingly, some are so fundamental that we tend to miss them completely. For instance, do your employees feel:

• Treated fairly and respectfully?
• Valued and appreciated?
• Recognized and possibly even rewarded for their work?

It shouldn’t take you long to realize that if you wish to attract, recruit and retain good employees, fair and respectful treatment is a given. Employees who do not feel valued and appreciated will either contribute less effort as time goes on, or leave for greener pastures where they will be appreciated.

In addition, everyone likes to have achievements and efforts recognized. Even though personal satisfaction is usually generated from within ourselves, it is always more meaningful if someone else notices and shares the success. This is where the concept of recognition and rewards come in. Rewards can motivate and encourage employees to contribute to their own success and that of your business.

You don’t have to give away big-ticket items like a car or trip to some exotic locale. On the contrary, employees are often delighted with a range of rewards that can be provided at little or no cost. Most importantly, ensure your program fits the culture and image of your company.

THE MOST EFFECTIVE REWARD AND RECOGNITION PROGRAMS HAVE FIVE ELEMENTS:

1. Achievable: Set achievable standards. If it can’t be accomplished, it becomes a de-motivator.
2. Objective: Tell employees exactly what it takes to achieve a reward or recognition.
3. Sensible: Include rewards that are logical motivators. If you are in your busy season, don’t award additional time off if your schedule can’t tolerate it for another six months.
4. Timely: Waiting too long to deliver a reward or recognition will lessen the impact.
5. Useful: If possible, measure and reward something that helps to produce useful business results.

THERE ARE NO FIRM RULES ABOUT WHAT TO RECOGNIZE, BUT MANY PROGRAMS RECOGNIZE THE FOLLOWING:

• Productivity/quality
• Customer service
• Peer recognition
• Superior performance or extraordinary achievement
• Safety
• Length of service

Remember, recognition and rewards need to be offered with sincerity and thoughtfulness. Recognizing employees is about giving thanks and credit where credit is due and making those employees feel valued and appreciated for a job well done.

 We learn so many lessons from those we are around growing up. People basically are products of their environments. Our personalities, beliefs, tendencies, and habits mostly are a result of the influence of the people we interact with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, the lessons we are taught generally do not lead to a happy and prosperous life. It seems that we are ultimately taught to conform and settle into the mold that "society" feels we ought to fit into.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the area of dreaming. As children, we spend most of our days dreaming. The world of imagination is our reality. There are no boundaries to what the mind can conjure up. If it can create it, then we can do. Regardless of what is going on around us, we can transform ourselves into anything that we want to be.

Society tells us that this "childlike" innocence is bad. As we get older, we are instructed to grow up and act mature. Certain behavior is expected of us. People who do not conform are given labels such as odd or eccentric. We hear sayings such as "be realistic" or "get your head out of the clouds and your feet on the ground". Naturally, we are good students so most of us learn these lessons perfectly.

The catastrophic loss in this instance is that we stop dreaming. In an effort to conform, we put all those deep seeded desires aside to do the "responsible" thing. Naturally, being responsible is a terrific way to be. However, it is tragic when someone completely shuts off from dreaming. It is what relegates us to a life that is less than what we were designed to do.

All great accomplishments first take place in the mind. Everything that was ever created began as a thought in someone's mind. It was the predecessor to the manifestation of something in the physical plane. The habit of dreaming is what enabled these thoughts to flow freely.

Most of histories greatest inventors were dreamers. The Edisons and the Einsteins of the world did not adhere to the realistic way of looking at the world. This can apply to your life also. Think of the dreams that are stuffed way deep inside of you. What would your life look like if there were no limits? Develop the childlike imagination and realize that the mind can create anything that it pictures. Make the art of dreaming an active part of your life to set the forces in motion to begin to create it in the physical realm. Before it can be created, you must first dream it.

I wanted to share this article by Michael E. Gerber.  He always gives valuable advice.

Yes, that’s the theme of entrepreneurship, the story behind every great company, the position every entrepreneur needs to take in order for his or her company to stand out from everyone else.

Your customer, client, vendor, partner, executives, employees, bank, financial advisor, coaches, consultants—yes, everyone you interact with, from the very beginning of your company to the very end of your company—must get to know you.

• What do you believe in?


• What drives your company?


• What standards define your methods?


• What rules of the game define the results you’re committed to produce for each and every one of them?

This means, of course, that you need to come to a conclusion about each of these questions. They must live inside of you, inside of each and every one of your people, inside of each and every function within your company.

Which also means you must learn how to articulate them.  And by articulate, I mean the exact words you speak, the exact way in which you speak them, the exact form they take in every document that goes across your desk and your people’s desks, your telephone conversations, your website, your communications of every kind.

In short, these words must flow throughout your company, throughout your community, at every BNI meeting, and in every meeting that follows every BNI meeting. At home and at work.

In short, you must become an evangelist.

A true believer.

A true believer in the meaning of your business.

A true believer in the spirit of your business.

A true believer in the soul of your business.

So, how do you do that? You start at the very beginning. You start by taking a big, broad, bodacious look at your customer.  At the one whom you’re committed to serve.  At the very reason you’re in business in the first place. In short, you don’t develop the words from inside your business, as many believe you need to do.

You develop the words from outside your business, as few business people know how to do.

This is not marketing or sales or good communication skills. This is truly getting to truly know the people you hope to do business with. Your customer holds the secret to your success.

So before you start trying to get better at all the communication you do, you must, as Ivan Misner has told you time and time again, get to know your customer, who they are, what they do, why they do it, and most important, what’s not working for them.

Only after you’ve gotten to know each and every one of them – truly gotten to know them -- must you then go to work on your business to design it to solve their problem, to transform their lives, to fix whatever needs to be fixed in a way nobody else has attempted to fix it.

It will become your signature. Which will become your brand. Which is what every entrepreneur is looking for, no matter what kind of business he or she owns; the brand, the brand, the brand.  The mindset, the makeover, the religion at the heart of your business, which everyone, yes, everyone, knows, believes in, and trusts.

As a business coach, I’m often asked by organizations to help with business etiquette.  It always amazes me to find out how little even top management knows about how to behave in a professional setting.  Well, okay – maybe they KNOW HOW to behave – they just sometimes fail to follow through.

The most basic rule of all is simply to act courteous to everyone (no matter what the title or position) and show respect to all.  It’s sometimes surprising to find out just how much power the housekeeping and maintenance staff has! 

Here are some reminders of simple ways to show respect:

• Use the manners you were taught as a child, like saying “Please” and “Thank you” and apologizing when you err.  Everyone appreciates common courtesy.

• Make every effort to remember people’s names.  The old excuse of “I’m just no good with names” is not acceptable.  Remembering a person’s name shows that he or she is important to you.

• Always be 5-10 minutes early to every meeting.  Being late is disrespectful to all other attendees.

• Return phone calls and email requests for information as soon as possible – even if just to acknowledge that you got the message and that you’ll be getting back with them when you have the information.

• Dress for business.  When a man wears a wrinkled shirt or ratty shoes, it sends a message that he doesn’t care about the image he’s projecting.  The same can be said of the woman that reveals cleavage with her top or with her too-tight pants.  What you would wear for an after-work or weekend event is probably unacceptable business attire.

• Smile and make eye contact when meeting someone and give a firm handshake.  Although that sounds like a “no brainer,” you’d be surprised how many limp handshakes I’m offered!

By using these fundamental tips and always remembering to treat people the way you think they want to be treated, you’ll go a long way in making a favorable impression in the business world.

The most effective leaders have a quality known as “executive presence.”  This presence communicates their self confidence, and it is reflected in the image they convey.  

In his book, Social Intelligence:  The New Science of Success, author Karl Albrecht gives six ways to work on your executive presence:

• Don’t mimic a CEO you’ve read about, admired or conceptualized in your mind.  Personal authenticity is critical, so find your most natural way of walking, talking, dressing and interacting with others.  Find and express your own voice.  If you try to act important, you will come across as arrogant.  Thank about how you want to be perceived, and aim for these qualities in everything you do.
• Identify your core strengths and values.  Write a brief description of yourself from the perspective of someone who has just met you.  What would you like people to say about you?  Start working on specific aspects of this ideal description to ensure they’re real.  If you’re not expressing your values in the things you say, then maybe you’re fooling yourself about them.
• Leave a long message on your voice-mail, and play it back in a few days to get an idea of how you sound to a stranger.  Note any aspects of your speech that you would like to change.  You may not be aware of your vocal intonations and tics, which can add to or detract from how others perceive you.
• Record a conversation with a friend on audio or video.  Make sure it’s long enough so that you and your pal forget you’re being recorded.  Study yourself and your friend’s reactions to jot down any habits or behaviors that contribute to or inhibit empathy, clarity and/or authenticity.
• Ask one or more close friends to share their impressions about meeting you for the first time.  Remind them to be brutally honest, and encourage them to offer insights into other aspects of your interactions – especially the areas that could be improved.
• Review your discoveries with your coach or mentor.  Ask for help.  Practice.  Change will take time, as personal habits in interacting with others are ingrained.  After a while, however, you and your inner circle should begin to notice improvements.  Never forget that polishing your interpersonal skills and executive presence is a lifelong journey.