by
marcia on May 6, 2010 at 4:49 PM
In most aspects of our lives, we're confronted with sticky face-to-face situations; we're constantly interacting with people with different opinions and value systems. How we navigate these interactions is important to creating lasting relationships. Here are some possible solutions for dealing with these challenging encounters.
Not everyone we work with, play bridge with, or watch our children's soccer games with is going to hold the same opinions as we do. It can be uncomfortable if we're in a face-to-face conversation and have polar opposite views about war, health care or even a favorite actor, football team, or model of car.
When it's apparent that no one is changing his or her mind, simply agree to disagree and find another shared topic of interest. You might say something like, "It looks like we have different and strong views and neither of us is going to change, so … How 'bout dem Hogs?" When said with humor, that comment pokes fun and can help segue to another conversation.
There often seems to be a person who is the putdown artist or the critic who manages to make barbed comments—in front of others.
One effective way to respond to hurtful or pointed comments is to simply look at the person and quietly say, "Ouch!" It's a word that unmistakably implies a transgression and it sends an unmistakable message.
Too often we let people get away with demeaning comments, rather than deal with them immediately. To the one-upper, you might respond, "Wow, that's fascinating," and then politely move on. Another suggestion is to be very direct and say something like, “That sounded like a nasty comment; maybe I didn't understand what you meant.'"
The dilemma is: Do we stay silent or do we address the offending remarks? If we're silent, we actually give tacit approval to the offender. We must call people on their actions and set boundaries. When you have standards of acceptable behavior, people learn the parameters. Then there are the teasers.
There's a point at which teasing or kidding around becomes tormenting or bullying. When you recognize that moment, mention your reaction to the comments and how the remarks make you feel. Such as, “I’m getting uncomfortable here.” Or “What was that about?” We shouldn’t smile when we make these statements because the smile sends a mixed message to the person who already has demonstrated a lack of awareness or indifference. Not smiling makes your message crystal clear.Have a few stock comments in place so you aren't caught off guard and you're prepared with something to say. Remember: Today's sticky situation and annoyance is tomorrow's great story to share.
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